1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
