You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
