oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
