I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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