I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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