Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just gift wrapped bread.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
