I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Randomize
