Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
