So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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