i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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