I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
