I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
