we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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