somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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