Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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