Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
