Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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