I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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