Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
