Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
