what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dicks are not precious.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
