So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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