Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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