dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
