I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
