Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize