I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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