fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
