Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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