There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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