I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
