I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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