She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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