sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
