Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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