using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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