I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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