No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
