Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
