by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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