Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I need a beard to bite.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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