eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Two words: blizzard sex
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
