we made out on top of his cat.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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