____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
