I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
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drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
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it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me