Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.