Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.