whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him