So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
