so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
