I love having hate sex.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
