Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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