Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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