There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
