I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
