I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
