I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
