do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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