I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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