Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i dont even know how to be here
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
These tits shall not be calmed
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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