did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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