I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
