SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
