am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
