He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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