Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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