I got chris browned last night
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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