drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
They should really pass out barf bags in church
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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