You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
