i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
