I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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