Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
