no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
