im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
