he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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