Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
