my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
