i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
