I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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