i just wanna soil my oats bro
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
