Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
