no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
