Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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