I hate your face
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
