I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
