my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Who died my cat blue again?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize