So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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