tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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