Im at strip club and am horny
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
