Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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