do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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