His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
